nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
