i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
