I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
