my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
