Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
