people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
