ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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