i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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