I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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