i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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