you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
