I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
