you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
