Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Come share oat with me in your robe
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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