at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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