So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm way too hungover for life right now
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
