Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
