you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
