I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
