Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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