guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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