Hey man sorry I got all grabby
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
