my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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