I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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