So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
