I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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