just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
