I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
