umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
