Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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