A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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