Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
