Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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