I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
she told me i tasted like america
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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