I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
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On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
