Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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