That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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