Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
