is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
