im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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