Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
