Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
