do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
