I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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