May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
