im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
In America we eat man semen.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
