Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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