so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
