there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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