the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
