My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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