i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
