420 ftw
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
